Farang and Bargirl Relationships in Thailand...
I'm thinking that these notecards are better off done in
a graphics program, but my g/f likes them better hand-
written like this. I'm sort of ambivalent except hand
writing these goes much more quickly. MUCH by a
factor of 10 much.
Farang-bargirl relationships are doomed from the start.
That's my own personal take on it. You can't possibly
think that a girl that has lied to everyone she knows
for a period of months or years will EVER come around
and start telling you the truth about everything she is
doing, the friends she has, the guys she knows abroad
that are sending her money for years after you've
married her... the different bank accounts, the
numerous cell phone SIM cards she has.
You wouldn't date a girl like this in your own country
so why in he11 would you date and MARRY one here?
I know the temptation must be overwhelming to some.
Some guys have not had a girlfriend during their entire
LIVES and they come here and suddenly they have 3
girls - all 10/10 fawning over them and making
promises to love them long time...
A guy like that is going to be duped into believing
totally unbelievable BS and worse, can be led down
the path to marriage very easily.
This is really so far from reality that to those of us
that can see it (and I can only see it because I fell for
a girl that was "not" a bargirl, but then, ended up to
BE a bargirl!!!) that it defies explanation.
The need to be loved... to conquer a beautiful 10/10
girl and have her falling at your feet is a part of life
that these guys will do anything to experience.
Once they start playing that game, the girls know
just how to milk every baht from them and ditch
them when the baht stops flowing or slows down
to a level that isn't worth their time.
Guys that come to Thailand looking for a girl, a
girl that they are going to spend their entire life
with - or at least a percentage should really do the
following:
Look for girls here:
Mukdahan
SiSaket
Surin
Yasothon
Ubon
Loei - or any other backwoods city in the
northeast
Limit spending on "your girl" for 1st year to:
60000 baht. That's 5000/mth and more than
enough for EVERY girl in Isaan to live happily
on. They DO IT FOR LESS.
3 strikes you're out:
If "your girl" doesn't answer the phone 3 times
during the course of you knowing her - drop her.
No, I'm not joking. A Thai girl can answer her
phone AND have a conversation at 100km/hr
on a motorbike. She KNOWS when the phone
goes off at all times. The phone is their life.
If she misses 3 of your calls, there are 3 very
good (or bad) reasons why. Drop her and move
on to the next.
Count how many times "your girl" mentions
money in the course of 1 year. A bargirl,
or a girl with a similar mentality that is
focused on money and sees you as an ATM
will mention money once per day or so. This
is a MINIMUM.
My g/f from Isaan has mentioned needing
money exactly twice in our 2+ year relation-
ship. Once she was in Bangkok and didn't
have enough money for the train ticket
back home (600b). The other time was
when she needed some clothes for work
(1500b).
Other than that I give her 4000 per month
and she has been happy with that. THIS is
how a good Thai girl should be... HAPPY
that she doesn't have to go to work at a
chicken parts factory because you will pay
her 4000 baht per month, pay for her food
and her rent and phone cards.
That's it.
If you don't have a relationship similar to
this - then you have found a parasite that is
milking you for money like an ATM.
Good relationships exist in Thailand, it's
just that finding one takes more than the
minute it takes you to enter a bar, have
your future wife sit beside you and give
you a crotch grope and ask for a drink.
Invest 1 week, 2 weeks, a month in
Isaan. Hang out at the malls or shopping
areas. DON'T date the girls working at
the shops - as they seem to be ex-pattaya
and Patong girls for some reason.
Especially Robinsons. I'm not sure why.
Don't date ANY Thai girl with a Tattoo.
Good girls don't get them here.
Go to the college library and sit around
with your laptop in Isaan and see how
many smiles you will get. Turn a smile
into a "practice your English" session
and you'll be on your way.
Be careful because though you may be
in Isaan, even some college girls have
friends that are plying the sex-trade in
tourist places in LOS. If she mentions
money at all when you first meet. She
is one of those girls that knows the
game from that perspective. For what-
ever reasons... she thinks farang=ATM.
Move on.
There are THOUSANDS UPON
PRECIOUS THOUSANDS of drop-dead
gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet and
innocent girls in Isaan at the colleges.
Put a little time in there and see what you
can find.
Your chances for finding a lasting
relationship will improve by a factor of
"9" and you'll look less stupid in a
group, bringing your covered with
tattoos, smoking cigarettes, underwear
and bra-showing Thai girlfriend or
wife for everyone to laugh at.
Case in point. A teacher from England
at my school brought his bargirl
girlfriend (his word) to a school function
where the kids are to put on a play. All
the teachers are there, the parents are
there.... and this guy brings his black
as charcoal girlfriend (number 1 bargirl
identifier), covered with tattoos (#2),
with her ultra tight and short skirt (#3),
pierced nose (#4) and low cut shirt (#5)
to the children's function!
I was sitting at a table with the other Thai
teachers in the English program. When my
friend and this girl walked in - in Thai the
teachers said she was ugly and a whore!
They knew INSTANTANEOUSLY.
So - this is part of the reason farang get no
respect here in Thailand. We don't know
how to act. A Thai man would never, EVER
in his life bring a whore to a children's
function at the place they work! NEVER!
Actually, the only guys that are EVER in
public with a whore is when they are pimps
themselves or brothers or fathers.
Thai guys are very aware of their standing
in the community. Even a large community.
There is no anonymity here. Everyone knows
everyone. Farangs - even more so. There are
people that know my name in the town that
I've never seen. They know more about me
than I could have ever guessed.
Thai culture is built on face - and levels of
face. Walking around with whores from
Pattaya is a sure way to get zero respect in
Thailand. You might think - oh, they love my
wife... in truth - they all are calling her whore
and nobody likes her or you for bringing her.
anyway - i'm a bit out of material!
Don't date bargirls for more than a night!
100's" of Thai Ladyboy Photos-Videos here >
..
.
22 reader(s) left COMMENTS. Click to see.:
Well said. Your anger over what happened to you is still showing a little.
You think? :) Personally I have nothing against bargirls. They are doing what they are doing to survive in the best way they know how, with the tools they have been given. More power to them.
What upsets me is that guys are continually duped by them, giving up money they don't have "extra" in order to keep funneling the $$ to girls that are lying to them to steal their cash. That's kind of sick in my mind.
Yeah, be a whore. Get paid for sex, I would if I could. But, don't pretend to be monogamous (sp?) if you're still farking other guys for cash while milking your boyfriend or husband for everything he's got. That's what I don't agree with... you know?
I don't get why anybody would pay his girlfriend any money in the first place. 4000 baht? How is that any different than having a hooker? I don't get the distinction.
Regardless, Thai women used to be primary earners in Thai society for hundreds of years. I love how this part of Thai culture is turned on its head for the farang.
I have never had a poor Isaan girlfriend, bargirl or not, I had to support, so I really don't get the modus operandi. Foreigners coming to Thailand to give money to the female population is an alien concept to me. Aren't farang the guests in the country?
But Vern is right. It just plain ignorance to drag your hooker all over Thailand, especially to your workplace. I don't have anything against prostitution, but when in Thailand, do as the Thais and keep the action in private. Why advertise to the whole world that you are banging hookers?
If you were back in the West, would you drag the neighborhood crack whore to the company picnic?
hi fonzi,
Giving my girlfriend money everymonth is because she is not working. She has a degree and could get any English speaking job she wanted in BKK. She scored 825 on her TOEIC which qualifies her to teach english to farang that come here! (I think it does - I read that somewhere).
She cooks every meal for me. She handwashes all the clothes. She irons the clothes. She cleans the house DAILY. She handles things like calling the water people, cut the grass people, pays electric, water, rent, takes the yamaha for regularly scheduled maintenance, she hand sews patches into my undies because I don't want to throw them out, she makes signs and goes out to find people for my private classes (hypothetically, if I were doing them) ;) She picks up stuff from the electronics store I need, she makes coffee anytime she thinks I need it, she cleans the shower area daily, she blogs on her own blogs for our profit, she uploads high - rez photos to the internet stock agencies I'm joined to... she edits photos, adds keywords to the EXIF data, she surfs the internet to find material we can add to our sites. She teaches me Thai. She is an interpretor in mattters that cause me MUCH frustration. She is the layer between me and the Thais' that I interact with so I don't piss the whole country off.
She does all this stuff and I asked her not to work. So, in a sense she is working for me - and yet, she is my live in girlfriend so she's not really. I offered to give her some money because she had nothing coming in to spend. She has college loans that she needs to pay.
So there's the difference(s).
I call her girlfriend, but she's basically my wife. We haven't done the string ceremony yet, but it's just a matter of time before her family catches on (or admits they know) and insist on it.
Whether you give your wife or girlfriend money as an allowance, for working around the house as a maid, because she needs money for clothes, food, or other stuff - doesn't make your girlfriend or wife a whore.
Let me explain what a whore is. A whore is someone that meets strangers (at first) and in a short time (2 minutes, 2 hours) has negotiated to provide sex for a certain amount of money.
A whore isn't making you something to eat everyday. A whore isn't living with you. A whore isn't making your bed. A whore isn't happy with 4000 baht per month. A whore is living in Patong, Patpong, Pattaya - cities that begin with P for some reason (!).
A whore is someone who is not just YOUR whore, but everyone's whore. A whore is not exclusive to you. A whore goes where the money is. A whore lives with other whores, dresses like a whore, sleeps the hours of a whore, doesn't have another job except whoring, sells blowjobs, anal sex, handjobs and "regular" sex and fetish sex for Thai baht.
A whore is not a virgin. A whore may have many sexual partners in the course of a month. A girlfriend or wife would not - unless of course your girlfriend or wife IS a whore, and then it would be very hard for you to see the difference of giving 4000 baht to your wife - because she IS a whore... you know?
I'm glad I'm not here in search of a lady! Trying to distinguish the ladies looks like a pain in the a** for a newbie.
Vern isn't doing anything different by giving money to his lady different than if he were in the states and his girlfriend was a "housewife." We are so used to both people working in the states that we forget that in a place where one earner can earn enough money for both people why in the world would both work at a thankless job and not work at home making life better for both people?
Its kind of strange that over the last couple decades needing two income earners has become the norm in the U.S., and I think we've suffered for it.
vern, can you please publish your email address. thanks. philip.
Dude, I get that your girlfriend is not technically a "whore."
Your girlfriend sounds like a cool chick with many good qualities. She seems like a very capable partner.
However, some may see that paying a woman to be your girlfriend, servant and lover may come across as, well, you know, less than wholesome relationship.
philip, email: ThaiPulse@gmail.com
Fonzi - OK.
Cyberninja - yah, I give her money because that's the only money she's getting. Plus, that's pocket change and I don't give it a second thought. She's happy because usually she gives 3000 baht to her mom to pay for her college loan and spends 1000 b.
She could work somewhere and bring another 10-12000, 15000 at the most, but really what's the point... work in a job she doesn't care about - and I'd have to hire someone else to do all the stuff she does for me anyway. I told her she has to open a roti stand in Isaan the next place we go - cuz I LOVE roti for lunch - with the bananas - it's great stuff and I've lost weight so I know it's not totally killing me on the calories. It's gotta be 500 cals for 2 though. But, that would be a good job for her - doing something to bring outside money. She'll make more than 4000b /mth and be happy she can watch tv, use the internet, run errands, blog, take photos of her cooking (and videos), convert it, whatever... all while having a business in front of the place we stay. We'll see how that goes. She wants a clothing store! I said, NOPE. It's coffee, som tam, or roti in that order since those appear to be the 1-person businesses that are actually staying afloat most often.
Anyway, thanks all for writing... not everyone has to agree with me - In 2 months since starting this blog I've only not allowed 1 comment - and it just didn't make sense. I think the guy interchanged 2 words - and the comment didn't make sense the way he wrote it and I can't edit it - so I didn't post it. Most everything gets published - so comment away! Vern
Vern,
Thanks for your reply to my comment. I agree that some(all?) bargirls are willing to take any money offered to them. There is a story on Khmer 440 (sp)about this sort of thing. It seems there is an almost endless supply of guys willing to send money to these girls. And that is a very sad thing. Try retain your detachment from these things. Best wishes always, Lee
My boyfriend of 12 years had just recently broken off with me to be with a thaigirl he met on a surf vacation 2 years back. She works in a restaurant cum bar in Patong. He swears she's decent and all, and that life is tough for her, having on earn a meagre wage. After reading your blog, it's no surprise money feature so prominently in their relationship. I feel totally cheated. How can you turn around an otherwise decent man who doesn't know what has hit him?
*elaine*
I wouldn't give a girl in england money let alone a thai whore...why would anyone spend money on a woman????????????????????????????
Sheer stupidity, if they're doing stuff for you it should be for love not for money, never give any woman any money at any time....ever
"never give any money to any woman"
that's a very weird view. I prefer my girl to live with me and do the household just like vern wrote. I love to come home and everything is just perfect.
If that works well for the girl i'm quiet happy to pay for her life - our life. What's wrong with that?
5 years ago my mother died very suddenly because of cancer. She told me that one wisdom i'll never forget: "I can't take anything with me."
Ever since I try to save enough money to pay for live after work - retirement. Why not share the rest with the ones I love?
Why not buy a Pick-up for my wife's family, a new fridge whatever.
The only thing that matters: is the girl honest - will she stick to me until retirement and beyond
you hava it good
hi vern,
i love your blogs. very though provoking. keep em coming! :)
Thank you, I'm glad you like the site! Some things are fun to write about, bargirls and ladyboys are two subjects that are always fun. Today I'll have more drunk farang yelling and walking down the street audio or video - not sure which yet. Good fun, good fun! Vern
Vern said: There was an anonymous comment that I have to edit because I don't want commenters to gripe out other commenters, but here's the essence of what the guy said...
There are two types of guy-girl relationships... the one where you leave the money on the nightstand or the one where you are doing the installment plan and payments over the long-term.
He said, if you think it's any different for you, you are not from this planet (dummed down from his tirade!). Lol.
Commenters can disagree with others - but, not cuss them out or call them stupid. You cannot call someone gay or a 12-year old either... lol. I found the comment funny as hell, but I don't want this to degenerate into ThaiVisa type forum banter which I can't stand and don't see the reason for...
why not just hire a girl as a cook or housekeeper. and have a 20yr fling with her if you want? you could avoid all this trying to conceptuialise your relatiuonship. let the sex be out of affection and the work be paid. if the affection disappears, she's still got a job as a cook and housekeeper . you'll drive yourself nuts trying to justify that you're essentially paying for her to be your wife. if you stop giving her the 4000thb do you really think she'd got work? i don't know. but with the arrangement you have the question wil always be there.
Vern, my American friend Robert who lives in Khonkaen laid it out for one of this friends who was wife-shopping in Thailand:
1. you can't meet a nice girl after dark.
2. you can't meet a nice girl in a bar.
3. you can't meet a nice girl in town.
he went on to say that the girl his friend wants is a virgin from a village who doesn't work in town. and then he offered to have his Thai mother-in-law introduce him to a nice girl from her village.
being in Khonkaen was an amazing experience as over time i saw the same women with different men as they came and went. no telling how much money they get from them, and all the men think they are the only one, lol. once i was sitting in a bar and a guy next to us answered his phone: "ok, me good man - i send you money." holy crap, what an idiot. he went on and on, obviously placating some bar girl who went off on him about money, talking in 3 y/o English. the other guys were rolling their eyes. the guy on the phone was young....
Hi,
You say 4000 b. for a girl in isan is enought...what do you think about a girl with a baby in Phuket?
A bargirl f*cked with your heart and spended your money - and this is your payback??
You should have done your homework before messing with the girls of LOS - this is as low as you can go - you're still a sorry fool who got cheated...
- Jaspar -
Hey Man, while i can understand the warnings for many naive first time farangs in Thailand, you also seem very frustrated.
There is definitely something wrong in calling all bar girls "whores"... Pls do not pretend to know so well the Thai society and give lessons. Because you are probably only half way from an objective understanding.
Hi Jaspar - do your own homework... pay particular attention to verb tenses. Jackass.
*******
Hi anonymous - most anonymous replies don't get on this blog because it's losers that are afraid to put their names with comments. That being said, I'm curious why you would say,
"Pls do not pretend to know so well the Thai society and give lessons. Because you are probably only half way from an objective understanding."
First of all - don't beg. You don't know me - why subjugate yourself to me. Secondly, I don't think I pretend to know Thai society so well - in fact, most times I'm oblivious to what's going on.
Whores working in bars is quite obvious to me - and those that sell access to their bodies for cash are whores, and you must be confused about that fact for some reason. If it hurts you because you married one or you're sending money to one that has 'changed her ways' then you're less than half way from an objective understanding about what's going on.
A whore is a woman that sells access to her body and for sexual services. Why does that word bother you. Is 'escort' nicer for you? Prostitute? They're all whores. Whores, whores, whores.
Post a Comment